I am known by most as Ryleigh but that’s not my only name. Ryleigh, Ry, Nicole, Gillis, Sissy, Ryleigh Jean – yes, they are all referring to me but different versions.
Ryleigh is my name, so it’s used most. I would describe myself as sarcastic, genuine, not afraid to say anything, looks like I have my life together and overall, a decent human being. The more people get comfortable with me they call me Ry, which is my favorite nickname. People start to get comfortable and don’t feel the need to say my full name. Ry is always open for a deep conversation that will probably leave us both crying, not afraid to ugly laugh or stuff my face with Taco Bell at 3am. Nicole is my alter ego. When I go out, make questionable decisions, say out of pocket things that shouldn’t be said, that’s Nicole. I try not to let her come out too often due to past terrible decisions. Some are lucky to have witnessed her. Gillis is what people call me to get my attention. Most of the time it’s yelled across a bar because I ran away. Sissy is what my mom and brother call me. It makes me feel special just to have a name my family knows me as. Ryleigh Jean is how I am known at work. She’s smart, funny, kind and not afraid of +0.25/-0.25 over contacts with any patient.
Yes, all of those names refer to me, but why do I feel the need to compartmentalize the different versions of me? Most people that know me only know one or two versions. I think it comes from a fear of people thinking I will be too much. But if people love me, shouldn’t they love every part? Over the years, I have gotten better at showing my full personality but in the past, I would have different friend groups for every version of me. Bible study groups for Ryleigh, party groups for Nicole, Sissy for family. Holy double life. It gets exhausting.
I am learning to love every part of me and to not stifle my personality just to impress others. I want to be surrounded by people who love me for all of me not just the pretty or crazy sides.
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